Cancer and Cannabis Oil

I find this a very important subject for me ~ being I am a cancer survivor. The panic that sets in, when the news is given is severe. I know for me, I immediately played over scenes in my life, and things I still wanted to accomplish. I panicked for my two young boys, and I panicked for my older children. I did not trust these surgeries or the chemo, or even the doctors. So many times I have found crooked people in my life. Yes crooked officers, YES crooked government officials and YES crooked doctors. I feel I am able to speak about this now, because, it is a serious issue at hand. We all know Cancer kills. Period. And when we are diagnosed, we feel it a death sentence. I believe in alternative healing, because that is the only healing that has worked for thousands of years for thousands of civilizations. The thing is, and this is upfront honesty here. The world is not all rainbows and butterflies. A few years ago I thought I was "lucky". In the mix of the cancer, and surgeries and radiation iodines. See, I had a friend I sincerely trusted (and still do) when he found out I had cancer, he mentioned this cannabis oil. Rick Simpson Oil or RSO. It is very, VERY costly though. And I did not have any reliable funds. I received a package FREE of charge from an activist in the RSO industry. I thought this was a God send really. I did not know this person (on a personal level) nor did I know where or how he manufactured this oil. What I did do though was nearly lose my children, my life and my livelihood. I did not receive instructions with the package on how to use RSO for treating, I did ask for them ~ and received them in a message. It was late, I put the children to bed, I was settling down for the night, ready to clean up the house and relax for the evening. I then thought I should start this RSO. I was told just a small drop, the size of a grain of rice. OKAY I understood that. Not long, it seems like only minutes later, I knew I was in trouble. I wrote on a piece of paper "Rick Simpson Oil" and called my mother. "Mom, I need an ambulance" and passed out. When I was coming to, I saw my mother and several EMT's in front of me, I handed them the paper and passed out again. I come to moments later on a stretcher outside leaving the house and into the ambulance. I tried explaining ~ I have cancer, I tried this treatment. I don't feel well. And passed out again. I come to several times, and passed out several times. The emergency room was HORRIBLE. The staff very judgemental and brutal. One nurse slapped me several times in the face. I filed a complaint with the hospital and the medical board over hospitals, and it was indeed substantiated. A few hospital policies were changed over this. However, one particular nurse, forced a catheter for sampling (which was the "forced" issue in the complaint) I had bruises up and down my inner thighs from this. Testing supposedly showed several drugs. LSD, cocaine, etc etc etc THIS WAS NOT WHAT I BARGAINED FOR. Reports to child protective was made about me being a drug addict/ user/ abuser. It was such a horrible event. I was sick for over a week, with blank spots in my memory. I contacted my friend and informed him of what the hospital stated. He then contacted said person who manufactures. My biggest point here is this, with all the illness's and controversy, and medical oil uproar. One cannot, absolutely cannot TRUST THIS. It is very scary, very very scary being labeled something your not, fighting to keep your children, all because you wanted to live. I am not against cannabis oil, nor RSO, nor alternative medicines. What I am against is untrained individuals handing it out. I believe the facility should be very secure with minimal contact of people to ensure safe, alternative healing. If its going to be out there, as it has for us shamans since the beginning of time ~ be aware, be secure, be trained. Just because one can sew a quilt doesn't mean they should be in the operating room at a heart surgery.

Single parent.

~ I work really hard raising my boys. My goal has always been to bring up good, strong, moral, spiritual men into the world. Not lil players, not wandering bums, but good, very good men. I had my reading today via JoLynne Valerie we discussed my business ventures, we discussed my change in romantic scenery, we discussed beautiful angels. And its all relevant, all very important to me, however, I've been a single mom for a long time. I have been all alone for a long time. Very alone. My boys do not have the cousins to play with, the aunts to babysit and the uncles to rough house. Not the gramma baking pie, or chasing em with a switch (kidding, but you get it) Its been only me, for the greater part of 8 years. One boy is 8, one is 10 ~ so you see where I am. I have worried about how they are growing up, what kind of men they will be. Praying I have been giving them all moral codes they need for a good life. My one son, he has been my biggest rock, my biggest support through many times. And when I told him we were going to build a business selling jewelry, he was all in! We began in a different state, I created a small little supply of earrings, necklaces and bracelets. I then placed them in baskets. One day, the money ran dry. The kids needed things ~ and I had no way to get the stuff. My eye caught one of the baskets. I said, well ... if anything, I can try to sell this. I told the boys we were going on vacation soon, we needed to earn money. We gathered up our little baskets, and off walking we went. It was so very hard. It was emotionally hard, scary hard, and just plain new fear. But, when your kids are hungry ~ you have got to mommie up. My one son, he gave me courage, he gave me inspiration. He was the greatest ~ most confident lil business man. We spent two hours in our little town, going door to door with our little baskets. I felt awkward, on the spot, very nervous. My boy, he took my hand and said ~ Come on mom we've got some jewelry to sell! That moment. I gathered my courage, stuffed away fear and pride ~ and we steadily sold nearly everything we had over the next few days. The first day, we took our little earnings over to the ice cream store, bought a soda and some ice cream, hot dogs for the kids. This day, is what finally set into motion the building of a business. The filling of so many dreams. And my son, who motivated me, the son who inspired and worked and watched. Well, he is learning big things. He is learning about building a business from scratch ~ from the ground up. We are tightening our bond daily, and this little boy is going to grow up into the most beautiful man. And this is what makes it all worth it. All worthwhile. The little dark haired boy, who grows into the most amazing man.

Angel Reading 03/07/2015

We always begin with a blessing, a prayer, and opening to these readings. I like that. I like bringing about that certain feeling, that certain individual space. My life has changed dramatically this past year. And I am telling you, it is going to continue to change, continue to grow. I am making something of this life. I am so thankful for people like Jolynne, who open up to a higher life, who share insight, info and guidance so openly. Its not free, no, but it is not the thousands of dollars that other people charge. Those of us who have been in the lower pits of life could of never changed our lives at that cost. No, this is do-able. Okay, with that said, let's dive in to what this reading was all about: My Angel has a friend with her today, my Angel has been by my side for such a long time. I absolutely am thankful for her, I have so much love and appreciation for her. Anyway, her friend Angel is of a different rank, not that one is better than another, but it helps put things into perspective with people, to understand job positions and titles. This new Angel on the scene is about to shake things up for me. She says 2015 is literally my champagne year. LITERALLY. So, what is the first thought there? Wine bottles, champagne bottles, wine glasses. I am hearing that, and I like what it sounds like. But what does it mean? Continuing on, Jolynne states that SO MUCH is going to happen to me, (in a good way) that I am going to request an emergency reading, a life coaching session with her, so many decisions I am going to be making and I ask for higher, positive direction. OH I REALLY LIKE THE SOUND OF THAT. There is something cool about this angel, she wears stars on her head, pointing to the sky going from star to star to star to star. This was different. Jolynne asked for clarification from her. Oh the beauty of it. What I gather is its like this, one happening in my life is going to be like "stardom" to me, amazing, awesome. And am going to move onward each to a new awesomeness, each to another stardom. This is beautiful. Like popcorn she says. You wait, you wait and wait. slowly heated one thing POPS and then another POPS and then before you know it, you got corn popping in a jiffy bag balloon. Its all coming atcha! The thought about this is, I know I will feel awesome, and a bit overwhelmed by it, and go running immediately to Jolynne to make some good, solid, sound decisions. I thank you Angels for your work in my life. I so thank you. She sees me toasting, literally with champagne. This theme is CHAMPAGNE. So, I am holding onto that. I am like ... whoa! Let's rock this! I was given some info regarding my next business adventures that I decided to keep *hush*hush* for now. It is something that I am choosing to let simmer awhile, all the while working out the details. My romantic life has shifted as well, I am okay with that though. My original mr. amazing has been removed from the options. It almost happened you know. I felt it, I knew it, but... it has changed. He isn't where he could be, he isn't stable as he could be, he isn't doing "the work" ... it is a bittersweet happening. Knowing you almost had it. The angels say they couldn't allow that in my life. Couldn't put me in that. I am thankful to them. Thankful for looking out, and sending in someone different. someone more suited. A spiritual man at that :) My dad isn't here any more either. I am okay with that as well. He is in a whole 'nother place, WITH his DAD. I can understand. I can relate. I am happy for him. See, I understand, over there is much different than it is here. and over there is beautiful, is the utopia I always dream of. I know one day, it will be my dad coming to escort me there. Until that time, I have a beautiful full life to lead here. My up coming Mr. Amazing is fitting the bill to exactly what I have asked for. He is a little thick, he has some nice trimmed facial hair, he is a blue jean and work boots kinda guy. His children are grown, he has been previously married and now a bit skittish to marry again. He carries a spiritual air/ vibe around him. We will first see each other (......) that my readers, is personal. I want to keep that at a distance, so when I do see him. When I do meet him, I will be able to share THEN. He is a traditional, kind of man... a man that will one day bring me a promise ring, who will one day have the discussion of more than any promise ring, of a beautiful dress, a beautiful life, the romantic person I am, cuz I need that. I have been holding out for that. I am me ~ a different life, a different person, different hopes, dreams and desires. Our rainbow ending will come. I am super excited. Super excited for rainbow endings, champagne glasses, beautiful boys that I have, my beautiful daughters .... I have big big big dreams, big hopes, big goals. and they are coming, all of them are certainly coming. And I am running with it! Many thanks to you that read this, to Jolynne for the readings, and most of all for the Angels in our lives, fulfilling hopes, dreams and goals. Thank you God ever so much. Have a beautiful day everyone!

Okayness.

I am in a place of okayness lately. See last week, specifically just this weekend, my electric was going to be disconnected. Usually I get close, and then panic when I can't foresee a way out. But this time, I did something different. I knew I had applied for assistance with my utilities, but it hadn't come in yet. So I decided first and foremost, I was NOT going to panic. I sought peace about it, inner peace. I didn't want the stress that emotions bring. I prayed about it as well. I decided I would attempt payment arrangements, asking to make the payment the following friday. With confidence, I placed my call. I explained I was calling to ask for arrangements on my service, that I was waiting for assistance with my bill ~ and that I just couldn't pay for another full week, and PLEASE don't shut me off. The lady then transferred me to another lady, where I went through the whole explanation once again. She says, let me look at your account. She comes back on the line and says, I see on the 2nd we received a credit for $300 ~ with a balance of one hundred and .... her voice faded off as I got all kinds of excited! I says OMGOSH! And she continued saying, so we do not need to schedule any payment arrangements with you at this time. She giggled from hearing my excitement. It feels good to be okay. Letting go of stress, worry, depression. It feels so good, and even better when there is a positive outcome. I know for certain, that ordinary things aren't the answer. Things come at just the right time, just when we need them. I know God has a hand in that, and those beautiful, serving awesome life changing Angels. Which begins my next post, on my most recent Angel reading ......

Reflecting 02/27/2015

Tonight I have finished up a new design, I really love it. I sat looking at it for awhile ~ just in admiration. Last year, last February 27 (2014) I had NO IDEA on how to make jewelry. Very little repairs, and little adjustments to my own stuff, but to build a business handmaking jewelry ~ WOW! I ALWAYS give credit to the Angels, to my Angel reader, and to God. YES I know there is many beliefs, many religions, many ways of life. I have done my own search, my own seeking. (that is for another post) Looking at the items I am making now, I am in AWE. I look at it, and say ~ I DID THAT, ME. And I love it. I really love it. The past few months have been flying by for me, time seems to be in super speed. I don't know if that is part of raising vibration or not. Because when I was down, when I was severely depressed, time stood still a whole lot. Now that I am doing something creative, now that I am so much happier, time just vanishes. Weeks go by in what seems a day, months are just disappearing. I still have a long way to go, well, maybe not that long. On this business building stuff. Moving from the building stage, to the doing stage. What a sense of accomplishment I have. What a sense of doing something beautiful, something creative. I thank you all, everyone of you who read this. I like sharing our "story" of falls, and fumbles, to highlights and happiness ~ finding peace and joy. All in the pursuit of happiness. I am so very glad I begun this journey, I am steady looking for an avenue, an event. This is GO TIME. It is time to pack up what I have been working so diligently on ~ and venture out into the world with it. Wish me luck! If you click across the tabs at the top of the page, it says "SHOP" that is a direct link to my ETSY shop. Thank you everyone for helping me follow my dreams, to realize my dreams ~ to find my happy ever after! Blessings to you all.

News Article August, 2001

Years of dedication and persistence finally paid off and father and daughter sit beside each other talking and laughing as if they've never been apart. Ludingtons Caroline and her father, Davey Arell, were reunited Aug. 14 after 24 years of being apart. Carolines parents divorced when she was 3 years old. Her mother was awarded custody of Caroline and Arell was granted reasonable visitation. But, Arell explains, If I didn't know where she was, that didn't mean much. No one would help me find her. For years, Arell searched for Caroline. Because she and her mother moved often, his search was futile. At one point, Caroline lived in San Jose, and when Arell learned of her whereabouts, he traveled to see her. When he got there he found she had left the day before. In the meantime, Caroline began her own search. I wondered where he was all the time, she said. She had a copy of Arells birth certificate listing his birthplace as California, so she started there, making her way through a list of California cities and towns and calling directory assistance, trying to gather whatever information she could. Every lead resulted in another disappointment. Arells search continued, too, but Carolines moves with her mother took her to Washington state, Oregon, New York state and eventually Ludington, leaving him no obvious clues with which to work. I looked for her until I gave up, said Arell. I thought, If anybodys going to find anybody, she'll find me. Enter modern technology. About a year ago, Caroline began posting messages to genealogy and missing person sites on the Internet. In March, one of Arells relatives surfaced, and Caroline e-mailed him via the Web site. Can you help? she asked. And he e-mailed back the word Caroline had been waiting for: Yes. His information led her to her fathers sister, also named Caroline, and through her she contacted Arells mother. Carolines new-found grandmother was amazed, and so nervous she couldnt find Dads phone number. But she did give her the number of Arells sister Debra, who told her Arell lived in Berry Creek, California. One more call to directory assistance and Caroline had her fathers phone number. Arell explains that on Aug. 10 he came home from work to the ringing of his new telephone, the first hed had in 10 years. Is this Dave? Its Caroline. Initially, he thought it was his sister, but Caroline said, You're my dad. It kind of floored me, Arell said. That first night, five days before Carolines birthday, the two talked for hours. Arell closed the conversation with a promise: You gave me my daughter back, he told her. Im going to give you your dad for your birthday. Arells boss, a father himself, was fully supportive of Arells last-minute flight to Michigan, to the extent of funding the trip. Caroline and Arell were apprehensive about meeting in person. I was so nervous! she said. But when he came through the gate at the airport, Arell said he walked right to her. The two have been talking ever since, catching up on the past 24 years. On Aug. 15, Caroline received her first birthday cake from her father. The two share some striking similarities. They both have a weakness for French vanilla ice cream and take their coffee the same way, with cream and sugar. When he packed for his Michigan trip, Arell decided to bring Caroline his prized Red Wings mug. Unbeknownst to him, the Red Wings is Bills favorite sports team. Arell, employed by a well-drilling operation in California, is considering a move to Michigan. Ive taken care of kids for years, Arell said. Kids that werent mine. But theres a void thats not filled unless theyre your own. Finally, after all this time, I have a daughter. Its an awesome experience, added Caroline. The best part is being able to call someone Dad.

What is a Shaman?

First, I would like to say, shamanism is a call. The elders call one, the bloodline of many that has come before. It is deep in the soul, it is healing of our earth, healing of ourselves, healing of our universe. The shaman is sacred ~ yet used very loosely anymore. I see alot of these posts that lean towards paganism, wicca, and so many more. Shamanism is very earth based ~ our mother who nurtures and takes care of us, and us in turn who do the same for our mother and also for our next generation. It is humanity and hope, belief and wisdom. Understanding of all that exists, and working respectively in such places. It is soul retrieval, it is physical healing, it is emotional healing. The call to Shamanism can be very painful. Nothing in life seems to work the way one wants, often feeling cursed or ridden with bad luck. Many have near death or life threatening illnesses and happenings. For me, I questioned my DNA, I questioned my bloodline. It is very hard to trace when you just do not know your family. But, when I saw "them" the first time, the ones I called Ancients, the elders. I KNEW. I knew right then and there they were the leaders, the elders, the ones I called Ancients. Ascended beyond time and our space, our reality. They called. When they call, when they speak, it is time to listen and to learn. Take what one has learned an apply it on this plane. Not all teachings can be brought from their plane to ours. But, the visit is still very powerful, because our Astral self, receives and stores that teaching. That lesson, that study. I am honored to be a Shaman in our present day. I am still ever learning, ever seeking ~ I will always be a seeker of truth. I try harder and harder every day to honor those that have walked this path before me, those that stood tall and proud, willing to be the shaman. I try every day to give honor and thanks to the elders, who are always close in my foremost memory. I try every day to be a better and best version of myself. I am a Shaman ~ you could be one too <3

Dreaming.

I dreamt of "him" again last night. I was on a bus, going somewhere. Some people got on the bus, a lady ~ a dark witch sat by me, her husband sat behind me next to my friend. They decided to get back off the bus. Later, I was in a park. I saw a truck and trailer pull alongside and park. I got very excited! I saw the trailer and I says "IT'S HIM" he is here, finally! The scene switched, and a black dog -- was licking all over my face, he recognized me instantly. I was pushing his snout off my face when he bit me. Not to hard, but the owner scolded the dog, and was checking to see if I was okay. His other dog is a yellow dog. He brought them to the park to play. We recognized each other instantly. Very instantly.

First craft show.

Well, I sent in an application to be a vendor. I waited and anticipated the response. I was declined. They stated there are just so many! They however placed me on a wait list in case of a cancellation. How do I feel about that? I AM OKAY WITH IT. Why? Because it IS a step forward. A moment that could be either way, I could allow myself to feel upset, but I chose not to. I CHOOSE not to. I chose that feeling of okayness. I am further than where I was a year ago ~ and that says alot. Last year at this time I was NOT even considering making jewelry ~ or my own business for that matter. But look at me go now! Now I have a big supply built up and am seeking out my first vendor spot. I am excited. I figure that God and his Angels have something different in plan for me. So ~ today I seek out other spaces, other opportunities. Because I am going where I need to go, and I am going with the best version of me that I can!

Name change!

I have been praying and meditating about a name change for my Jewelry business. It had to be catchy, but it had to represent. I was in a real dilema! I have struggled with it for a long while now. Probably since first grabbing up "Fieryrains Chains" I needed something to go with then. But now was different. I wanted something very business like, very marketable, but yet ~ it had to represent. Today, thanks to a great friend and our brainstorming, I have decided on TWO things. ONE ~ Divinely Blessed Beads. But, these must be a line of spiritual jewelry items. From healing crystals, to Angel wing charms, to every single thing that grabs my spiritual heart. So this will be a product line. As for my business, I am quite happy announcing, "All About Those Beads" by Caroline Arell. My children and I were singing it for several days before deciding on this for a name, we were signing ~ "It's all about those beads, 'bout those beads ~ no trouble" its like a parody to a song my son was getting tired of hearing. We laughed and joked about it, we would hum it and sing it while I crafted items. And now, that little seed, that small inkling ~ has now come to settle as my business name. So, I formally welcome you all to ~ "All About Those Beads"  and as always, you are invited to have a look around my humble little blog spot, over to one side I have a Twitter button, and a Google+ then on the other side, I have my instagram button. If you keep scrolling, you will see a sneak peak at what is listed currently in my ETSY shop. And you will also find my first ever YouTube video. It was fun making that! If you scroll around the tabs at the top, you will find information on crystals and their properties, plus you will find the tab labeled SHOP. That will take you directly to my ETSY shop. Have a beautiful, blessed day! And may all your dreams come true!

Displays?

A couple weeks ago, I had deleted some of my online "wish list" that I had several displays I desired. But, I also knew I just didn't have that funding right now, and settled on purchasing baggies. Well, today I received a phone call ~ another jeweler is having custom made displays created for her. She is going to be selling her current displays and would I be interested. WOULD I EVER! I told her, it would probably be another two weeks before I can actually purchase any. She agreed to hold them, and after I had my pick of them, she would list what ever left over for sale. HOW AWESOME did that just fall into my lap! I am grateful, very very grateful ~ and am also super excited! Because now, now I only need a table. A table cover would be nice (but not actually needed, yet) and a canopy for spaces out in the sun. OH MY GOSH, am I excited. I cannot believe this has not even been a year, only 10 months, and it is GO TIME. Thank you God, and your Angels for being so supportive, bestowing so many blessings upon my path. I am so grateful ~ I love you all so much! And a special thanks to my grandmother, and my daddy. I really love you guys as well.

What is being Indian?

My daughter asked me about our nationality. I told her we are Native American, otherwise known as First Nations, otherwise known as Indian. Well, What tribe are we from she wanted to know. Trust that I had those same questions all my life. There is nothing new under the sun, Nothing. The best I could tell her was I don't quite know. I know from photos there are "brown" people. My dads maternal side originated from Oklahoma, and my grandmother on my mothers side spoke rarely of our gene pool. Some times she would state we were black foot indian. It was upon metaphysical experiences that I can proudly say, yes I am Indian. But what really is being Indian. It is not just a race, not just a color, not just a culture. It is in the soul. It is something that calls to your spirit, and most often ~ the Elders are what calls to you. I remember that day I first went to the Elders. I called them ancients at that time. I was in an ambulance being rushed to the hospital, and then was in the hospital. My mother was by my side. I love her for showing that to me. I love her for being there when I asked, and when I needed. But, I wasn't there. Not really, I had left to meet with the Elders. They are large beings. Human shaped, but much much bigger. I remember in my daily life I called them titans. But no, they were just really big. Like giants to us. There we three of them. Sitting in a room surrounded by books. Lots and lots of books. But these books were of course much bigger than our books. As were these beings. It looked like thousands and thousands of books. I wondered about the books, and I heard ~ these books are the entire history of everything. Everything, everywhere. They were stacked floor to ceiling, on shelfs and overflowing on a desk. The elders speak telepathically, no voice is needed. It is like things are just forced into your head. I felt pressure in my head with this, and then their words just flowed. I had a teaching I was receiving. Not only of long ago truths, and long ago history but a separate teaching, other than what was being sent into my head. I was standing in a hallway, to my right was a beautiful rainbow door, with rainbow flowers, and a rainbow doorstep. To my right, was a black spiral door. Dark and dull in appearance. I was asked to chose one door. I looked at the beautiful exquisite rainbow door, and then over to the dark dense spiral door. I reached for the doorknob and was pushing the door open, about to step through ~ when I returned abruptly to my waiting body in the emergency room. What door did I chose? I chose the dark dense spiral door. But why? Because it is not the beauty and awe of what is in appearance on the outside that matters. It matters what is felt with the heart. When choosing, the rainbow door with all its beauty and glamor was empty and cold inside. I knew this because I felt with my heart. Behind the dark, dense spiral door though ~ I felt LOVE, a lot of love. People laughing, I could now hear them, and I wanted that. I wanted to go where the love was. So I grabbed the handle, and was opening the door .... but just then, a force so much stronger than myself was whisking me away, forcefully back to where my body lay in the hospital bed. Upon awaking, I felt tears on the side of my face, I looked up and saw my mother standing there. She said welcome back! I asked her what she said to me, but she wouldn't tell me. I told her I wasn't here, and she said ~ I know. But she was glad I was back. I kinda was too. Kinda. I know I have much more things to do while here. A lot of growing in my spirit path. Mending family fences, healing physical and emotional hurts. Righting wrongs, and saving my bloodline from generational curses. Its alot. But I can handle it, I am well equipped. I am this families matriarch ~ and I am honored.

02/03/2015

I am trudging ahead to great things. I have been scouring the Internet for fairs and festivals to begin my new career. I am excited, and a bit nervous! I am so amazed that this, THIS, is happening in our lives. I have had big dreams for so many years. So many long, lonely years. Never has anything so FAST happened before. I now understand its because it wasn't my path, wasn't my right placement. I first had to follow my heart. I followed it all the way to the East Coast. Where when I first saw the Ocean coming into view, over the horizon, I had to stop. I had to take a moment. I stood very still, and the tears poured from my eyes. I thanked God, I thanked the Angels, and most of all, I thanked my boys. Yes, my boys. For being such wonderful, kind and compassionate children. For the gift they have given me in my life. For their trusting hearts. I thanked them as the tears flowed down my face. I will never forget that moment. Never. What do I say to people about this? FOLLOW YOUR HEART. That doesn't always mean a certain relationship, a certain date, a certain friendship. It can mean where to live. Where to thrive. What speaks to your soul? Some find it in the forests, the mountains or the desert even. Mine ~ mine was the Ocean. I nursed that desire by small creeks and rivers. I nursed that for such a long time. But there is something to be said, about following your deepest heart. Not the heart of what person to go out with. NO, the soul heart. And mine, mine is that beautiful cleansing Ocean water. I feel at home sitting on the sandy beaches. Everything is perfect and all right with the world sitting on the shore. Just watching for miles and miles. No matter what may be "wrong" in our lives ~ a day at the beach is resetting and refreshing. And by coming here, I answered the call of the water. And now my life is full of expansion and growth as I am being moved into my purpose more and more. I am no longer just surviving ~ it is about thriving. Thriving, and loving life. Loving where you are, with who you are. I am far from being finished, I am a work in progress. And for now, I KNOW, I am ON the right PATH. Are you?

Emily.

The day I decided I could afford a car payment, was the day I got the Jeep. I knew it would be no easy task, I knew it would drain my finances. But, I knew working hard was the way to do it. My very best friend at that time, paid the down payment, with the agreement I would keep up the remaining payments. See, when he had his car accident, I helped clean his wounds, bandage and caretake him as best I could. He was after all, my very best friend. He was my rock for several years. I guess, eventually we grew into different people, tired of expecting the same ole things or same ole responses. Either way, he meant the world to me back then. He told me that when he received his settlement, he would help me. And thats exactly what he did. He paid that down payment on a new vehicle for me. It was a truck. But the truck went bad within a week, and I then got the Jeep. Anyway, I used to have a 1996 Chevy Astro van. It was a really good van. A great, dependable vehicle. But now I had a Jeep, and I knew the Jeep would do me good in all the snow and ice. I knew that the van needed a new home. One day, a neighbor had company over, a mother with several children. She learned I was going to be selling my van, and asked about making payments. She explained money was hard, and she had alot of children. I told her I would think it over, and get back to her. I went right in the house and began to pray, meditate on the matter. I take everything to the most high God of Light. I decided what to do. I walked back over to the neighbors house, and asked if they had a pen I could borrow. I then signed over the title directly to that woman. No money, No payments, No plans. Everyone was shocked. Absolutely shocked. To me, it was the least I could try and do. What would I want done if it was me in that situation? We cleaned out the van, people were happy and excited, and I watched Emily leave that day. Emily, my very trustworthy van. My companion on the roads of life. I later learned that Emily ended up in the scrap yard, a mere $150.00 to purchase drugs. I cried, was angry and cried some more finding that out. What was done, was done. I couldn't believe it. I gave from my heart ~ that is my karma. What they did with it ~ well, that is their karma.

The Guts To Go.

I didn't realize that morning when I woke up and sent the kids to school, that would be our very last day in Indiana. It wasn't until later on that I actually decided. Everything seemed "normal" and "typical" that day. Until something stirred inside. I had already spent most of the cash I would have for awhile. But, I needed to be different. Find different. If there ever was a hope or a dream burning or stirring inside of anyone, it was me that day. The kids went off to school, and I had an appointment to sign my divorce papers. Again. Here I was AGAIN! I married this man a long time ago, and divorced him. Just to give him "one more chance". He said all the right words, and did all the right things. (This time) Or at least he did at first. So I let him leave once again, I was not going to fight it, I learned something very cold about him ~ and I had no desire to see if he still had any inkling desire to force himself on little boys. Not my boys. No. Divorcing him was fine by me. I picked up the boys from school so I could make it on time to sign these papers, pick up my copy and attempt to put our lives back on track. Returning home something sparked inside. I looked around the very untidy apartment and says to self. Well self, School is out. What shall we do with our boring ole lives now? We had no one. Absolutely no one. I lived with just the boys, with very close yet distant family nearby. My mother who lived only 15 miles or so away was a strained relationship and once again we weren't talking. Again. I remember that last text she sent me. I remember the feelings, its so far off now. But thats for another time, another entry here. Standing in the apartment looking around, I felt deep in my soul ~ I don't want to do this anymore. I don't want to BE THIS anymore. Reflecting over my Angel Reading, things told to me about my family ~ and how they treat me. The pain in my soul ~ and the longing for Ocean waters. All of a sudden, I felt I was in a panic. A voice stirred inside, and says ~ Its now or never! Hurriedly I decided. Hurriedly we grabbed a few photos in frames, some stuffed toys that were the boys best friends, a few clothes and a pillow and blanket each. Oh and the boys bikes. I had just purchased those bikes about a week prior, and I was not leaving the only thing they ever asked me for behind. I crammed them in the jeep. I told the boys we were going on vacation, a road trip. We drove out of that parking lot of our apartment. In a quick hurry. The stirring inside was pressing. Its now or never. You've got your shot ~ take it. GO! And go, we did. I stopped at my favorite gas station and filled up. Grabbed some snacks and drinks. Counted my cash on hand, $180.00 ONLY $180 bucks! Headed over 1,000 miles? This is crazy, this is nuts! OH but its EXCITING! I gave my house key to a friend of mine who worked at the gas station, and asked her about arrangements for a storage unit, and for a furniture rental company to pick up their stuff. She said she would handle it. I thanked her, and hurried off as I specifically recall, the sun was setting. It was kinda late for a road trip. Nevertheless ~ I knew, If I did not do it then, certainly I would not be able to do it later. Either financial reasons or I would just plain talk myself out of it. Thoughts crept in my mind. I don't have a cell phone, what if we break down? I don't have a GPS, what if we get lost? I don't have even a map ~ what the hell am I even doing!? I pushed aside each and every entering thought and replaced them. I will sleep at a lighted rest stop, they have maps and restrooms. I will drive slow, and take our time. Our Angel will be with us every step of the way, no matter what, so we can do this! The promise for a better life, a new life. Purpose, passion and desire. Healing Ocean Waters. Its now or never Caroline. Now or never.

Angel Reading 01/30/2015

I had another Angel Reading. WHY? Because I feel when we are aiming for a better path, aiming for a better self, a better direction ~ we should go high up on this. And it's our lives. Its important. Its EXACTLY what I need. So, If your interested in reading, than I suggest you get comfy, cuz I am ready to share. I always pray before our readings. Once I prayed my poor heart out for my dad to appear (which he did) and I've also prayed to hear about my career, my immediate family (when I was back in Indiana) and I have prayed about my young children. ALL this and MORE has come up in each and every reading. THIS time, (ALWAYS the blessing first) NO spirits came to see me. NONE. Which is unusual for me. Each and every time, someone has come. Not this time. This time was serious focus on THIS year. This year is so powerful for me. I have come to accept alot of things in my life. I have accepted hurts and heartaches, I have forgiven the wrongs against me, I have reached ~ grown ~ and healed so many things. The first part of this reading involved what is closest to my heart right now. I have healed, a whole lot. A whole whole lot. But ~ deep in my soul, is a mothers pain. A pain no one should have to bear. It was excruciating to carry, often having to push it aside just to be able to function in our daily life. THIS pain is what is being addressed. I am entering a season of restoration. And I have begged for it, I have cried so many days and sleepless nights for it. "Everything I have missed out on is going to be given back to me" YOU all know. I keep no secrets. I like to share in my life, because it *may* inspire another person ~ to keep holding on. It is no secret I did not raise all my kids. I have several children. It was a horrible time of my life. A tragic time of my life. It tore apart our family. Writing this brings about an abundance of tears. I believe its relief in my heart. Because I have gotten to a point, where I KNOW, that when the Angels speak ~ it IS so. I was so overwhelmed I couldn't speak at first, I tried to ~ but only a gasp come about. Hearing the words ~ THOSE words, that my family is being RESTORED, well, it restored a burning love. A burning hope, longing and unconditional love of a mother. Then we moved forward in this already powerful reading, I have also struggled alot in our lives, financially. I have come away from Cancer, and Depression, and a life on disability benefits ~ is no easy task. Many times I found myself washing out the childrens clothes in the kitchen sink, so they could have clean uniforms for school the next day, Many times I take a tote bag to the grocery store and carry a heavy load home, cuz I need to feed my family. Many times ~ I have begged God, to help me. And help ~ he has sent. I am working hard on building my business. And this business will also be a way for me to help others. Because I WANT to help others, I want to give, and give and give to inspire and uplift and heal OTHERS. I want the mom with cancer to not worry about food in her cabinets, or shoes for her kids. I want the sick mom to feel pretty, and go to the salon, without worrying about the electric being shut off. And I have it deep in my heart to do this. I WILL do this, God has sent an order out to the Angels. I first said to JoLynne Valerie, "I am having a hard time believing this" BECAUSE, for so long, I have struggled. And for so long I have fought. I fought to *try* and keep my kids, I fought to *try* and keep a failing marriage, I fought to *try* and fit in. I was so awestruck by this new revelation ~ that its not that I don't believe it, its more like THANK YOU GOD, and I am the most appreciative, the most honest, the most moral person I can possibly be. And it humbled me so much. It was more of a shock to my system, that it IS COMING, it HAS been ORDERED. And I am so, so, so appreciative and humbled, amazed and awestruck. And finally, we discussed SPRING ~ which is not that far off. So, I am taking a good inventory of the items I already have, making a list of items I can prepare with the supplies I already have, updating and keeping my blog rolling, and come SPRING, I will open my very first craft show/ vendor table. And its going to grow from there. And grow not only in business, but grow deeper in my heart.