The Guts To Go.

I didn't realize that morning when I woke up and sent the kids to school, that would be our very last day in Indiana. It wasn't until later on that I actually decided. Everything seemed "normal" and "typical" that day. Until something stirred inside. I had already spent most of the cash I would have for awhile. But, I needed to be different. Find different. If there ever was a hope or a dream burning or stirring inside of anyone, it was me that day. The kids went off to school, and I had an appointment to sign my divorce papers. Again. Here I was AGAIN! I married this man a long time ago, and divorced him. Just to give him "one more chance". He said all the right words, and did all the right things. (This time) Or at least he did at first. So I let him leave once again, I was not going to fight it, I learned something very cold about him ~ and I had no desire to see if he still had any inkling desire to force himself on little boys. Not my boys. No. Divorcing him was fine by me. I picked up the boys from school so I could make it on time to sign these papers, pick up my copy and attempt to put our lives back on track. Returning home something sparked inside. I looked around the very untidy apartment and says to self. Well self, School is out. What shall we do with our boring ole lives now? We had no one. Absolutely no one. I lived with just the boys, with very close yet distant family nearby. My mother who lived only 15 miles or so away was a strained relationship and once again we weren't talking. Again. I remember that last text she sent me. I remember the feelings, its so far off now. But thats for another time, another entry here. Standing in the apartment looking around, I felt deep in my soul ~ I don't want to do this anymore. I don't want to BE THIS anymore. Reflecting over my Angel Reading, things told to me about my family ~ and how they treat me. The pain in my soul ~ and the longing for Ocean waters. All of a sudden, I felt I was in a panic. A voice stirred inside, and says ~ Its now or never! Hurriedly I decided. Hurriedly we grabbed a few photos in frames, some stuffed toys that were the boys best friends, a few clothes and a pillow and blanket each. Oh and the boys bikes. I had just purchased those bikes about a week prior, and I was not leaving the only thing they ever asked me for behind. I crammed them in the jeep. I told the boys we were going on vacation, a road trip. We drove out of that parking lot of our apartment. In a quick hurry. The stirring inside was pressing. Its now or never. You've got your shot ~ take it. GO! And go, we did. I stopped at my favorite gas station and filled up. Grabbed some snacks and drinks. Counted my cash on hand, $180.00 ONLY $180 bucks! Headed over 1,000 miles? This is crazy, this is nuts! OH but its EXCITING! I gave my house key to a friend of mine who worked at the gas station, and asked her about arrangements for a storage unit, and for a furniture rental company to pick up their stuff. She said she would handle it. I thanked her, and hurried off as I specifically recall, the sun was setting. It was kinda late for a road trip. Nevertheless ~ I knew, If I did not do it then, certainly I would not be able to do it later. Either financial reasons or I would just plain talk myself out of it. Thoughts crept in my mind. I don't have a cell phone, what if we break down? I don't have a GPS, what if we get lost? I don't have even a map ~ what the hell am I even doing!? I pushed aside each and every entering thought and replaced them. I will sleep at a lighted rest stop, they have maps and restrooms. I will drive slow, and take our time. Our Angel will be with us every step of the way, no matter what, so we can do this! The promise for a better life, a new life. Purpose, passion and desire. Healing Ocean Waters. Its now or never Caroline. Now or never.