I am nearly 45 years old and I had not one single idea of what a "woman" is. Until recently. Unfortunately I believe there are a whole lot of other women out there who really don't know either. This not knowing is having an impact on our relationships - of all levels. I didn't know, for a long time. I truly am sorry for that. I now walk the path of discovering what kind of woman I really can be. Let me explain:
I grew up moving from California, to Oregon, to Washington, to Michigan. Throughout this time my mother had married and divorced many times. I did not know my dad, I would come to find him many years later, already broken from life. His heart though ~ he had the most loving heart, and great intentions. But, again, life happened. His story is for another time and place. As for my mother, she is a beautiful woman but life happened to her too. It happened as she sought to be loved and accepted for who she is, not who anyone else wanted her to be. She is headstrong and determined.
Children truly do learn what they live ~ as adults we live what we learned ...
As I entered my teen years, my attitude about life and love was very distorted. I knew I was beautiful, not just pretty, not just beautiful, but absolutely beautiful. I used this to my advantage many of times as I grew. I tried to find love my way. I tried to find happiness my way. I tried to raise children and gain a husband plus the white picket fence. That did not happen. The worst times of my life seems like eons ago, a painful foggy crooked memory of my beautiful children and my painful life not adequately parenting. I married an abusive man. I became an abusive wife. Instead of just leaving, instead of seeking help. I became everything I never wanted to be. I lost it all. Really. I still never could grasp what went wrong. I had no real idea that there really was anything wrong at all. I blamed every single other person in my life for how painful my life had become, I was turning angry and bitter.
Fast forward 20+ years ... I learned of proverbs 31. I had to know what it meant, I looked it up and I tell you as sure as the sun rises, something struck me. It struck me so hard that my whole world was rocked from the inside out.
I began examining myself. I began questioning every piece of who I am as a woman. I remember, I did something years prior with my spirituality. This time, was associated with my identity. I was shaken. I read and absorbed, sought out and clarified. I was not acting like a very good woman. I was acting more like a man. Not as in male, no. Attributes generally identified with masculine energy. I am not a man. I never have been in any of my lives (I do believe in past lifes) and I know that my spirit is a woman too. So. now what? I knew that actions speak much louder than words. My sister once said to me something like "When being a woman, you don't go around telling everyone you are a woman. You just show it, be it. Everyone will just know you are a woman" that stuck with me, years and years later, it stuck with me. Thank you wise sister.
I am not a perfect woman. I do not think I ever will be. However, I work hard everyday to BE a Virtuous woman.
Back to Adam and Eve. It is said that Eve was created as a help-meet for Adam. I do my best to keep our home fresh and clean, decluttered and good food. Honestly, I fail often. I am growing in my walk, in my life. I, in no way, say that a woman is to cater to her husband. But if we can bring his heart home - home, the sacred family space, this is most important to our relationships, our lives are more in balance, in tune with nature. Not perfect by any means - but Virtuous indeed.
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