Family plea for reunification

My name is Caroline.  My younger brother Scott & I are seeking the love and compassion from the community to finally have our family together.  

Please allow me to explain:
This is me & my brother
we haven't seen each other in 10 years. 

We used to.  We used to be very close.  Our children are similar in age and we thought they'd grow up together like any other normal family.  But that's not what happened.  

A little history so you'll understand.
Our mother was or is, a toxic person.  I'm sure she did the best she could, with what she knew.  That didn't make it any easier.  

As we grew older there were boyfriends and husbands but none stayed.  I can't really blame them.  She had a frightening temper.  I recall sitting on my bed with my hands under my legs waiting for my mother to come in.  I was in trouble.  My stomache would hurt, my heart would pound, absolutely terrified of what would happen when she came in.  Most often she came in with a belt in her hand.  I was most grateful when she didn't have me drop the bottom half of my clothes for the whipping.  
The name calling she did to us was mean, vulgar, outright insanity.  
She's thrown hammers, dishes, pots of hot food at us.  
This is how we were raised.  It is very painful reflecting.  

I'm trying to show you our little world because right now we need you. 

As life moved forward we grew up, each of us making the best out of life with what we were dealt.  Honestly, we didn't have a good template, and I'm not certain we knew what we were really doing.  I think we just knew we did not want to be like her, and I'm certain we believed as she got older she would calm down.  

That did not happen.

2006 - We are in Indiana, we (as in my brother & I) have families of our own & they are growing with each other.  That is the foundation of our tiny family.  My brother & I.  We do not have anyone else other than our spouses plus children.  


This is my son, Daniel and Scotts daughter Trinity.


This is my son Johnathon & Scotts son Blaze

This is our hope for our bloodline.  To honor & love our children in the healthiest way possible.  

It all came to an abrupt halt, rapidly.

See, Trinity's mother passed away very young.  Killed in a car wreck.  And my marriage ended badly.  Scott and I decided to break away from the family without even telling each other.  We thought we were doing what was best for our children.  Scott, his spouse Tasha plus their children moved away.  It wasn't long after I found out I had cancer.  I tried to find my brother, but he did not intend on being found at that time.

I made it through the Cancer battle as a single mother and have rebuilt my life again.  
During the struggle to live, I realized I needed to find life in order to truly LIVE.  I had to get away.

I uprooted my boys and drove clear to North Carolina.  See, I always wanted to see the ocean and when the doctors told me they couldn't find any more evidence of cancer I KNEW that was my chance at life.  I've made many regrettable decisions in life in the past.  Here I was, told I'm going to be okay.  I'm going to live, not die.  
I needed to go more than anything.  Two years of inner healing and we moved to settle in florida.  

Here we are.  Through the years, I've tried to find my brother.  We we're so very close at one point.  I couldn't find him.  I resolved into knowing its just going to be me and my 2 boys.  That is really a saddening feeling.  No family get togethers, no Christmas dinners, no cousins or aunts or uncles.  I felt like a failure.  Trust that my boys are healthy, happy straight A students! I nourish their mind and heart.  I've also married and got a bonus son.  But, it's still just us.  The 5 of us.  I feel empty alot.

As for Scott.  It's just the 6 of them.  Same pathway, just a different place.  

He found me on Instagram a couple weeks ago!
He's been looking for years for me, but I didn't intend on being found for a while at that time.
We have tried saving & budgeting everything.  Truth is, money is hard for us raising our families by ourselves.  I've just begun my real estate sales career.  It hasn't blossomed yet.

Our oldest children are 14 now, their childhood almost over.  Please help us reunite them! Scotts tiny family is in Indiana, mine in florida. Please help us give them family memories of an aunt & uncle.  Of cousins.  Family!

These are current photos



Daniel & Trinity

And

Johnathon & Blaze




And this is all we have.  This is what it will look like bringing all of us together:


Thank you 
Even sharing this will get the word out.
God bless you

DONATE TO OUR CAUSE HERE

My first day doing "opportunity time" aka floor duty - *full of signs, wonders, miracles*

The view I had directly in front of me.  I felt super short, kind of blocked off.  But it was  my first day and I was EXCITED!

Once I saw my name finally on the rotation for opportunity time aka floor duty, I was a nervous wreck!  I felt unprepared, I felt anxious!  I even called and texted my best friend "M" to ask her what to do.  LOL I definately am an overthinker.  I knew to bring my cell phone and laptop, not much more was I certain of.

I settled myself in, propped open my laptop, connected my cell to my bluetooth and there I sat.  I smiled at everyone walking in, walking by or browsing through.  Most were other agents.  I really love people, I love being around them, talking to them and just being me.  A few people came in for appointments with other agents, a delivery driver needed to find the front office, but then a couple walk in.

I smiled warmly (I hoped) and asked if I could help them.  She said they were looking to buy a house.
This is a great start!  I ask if they have an agent they are working with in which they replied NO.  WOOHOOO! I was excited.  I asked them if they have a pre-approval, they say they are not working with a lender yet.

This is where my heart starts pounding ~ OMGosh what do I do?  It's only my first day!  I have never sold a house before!  EEEEEeeeek! Well I was in property management for 2 years, I just transferred into sales, Okay, deep breaths, this is what I went through IGNITE for.  I have them take a seat and I attempt to reach a lender (who I just met that morning) by phone, then I go right into the office where the most welcoming warm faced ladies are sitting, and I *whisper* ever so softly,  "M... there is a couple that just walked in, they are looking to buy a house, they don't have an agent nor a lender ... WHAT DO I DO?"  She smiles at me and says "That NEVER has happened ~ ever before, you have a unicorn"  I smile super big and says it's cuz its me!  (This will be for another post) she continues on in saying, contact a lender.  Which I reply, I couldn't reach him.  She then says there is a new lender upstairs, who's name just happens to be ANGEL.  Whoa.  I run up there, but he just left.  I grab the next guy and he agrees to be down in a few minutes.

Now, let's back up.

8 {EIGHT} days ago I posted this on my facebook and Instagram.  I prayed and prayed and prayed for just ONE CHANCE.

That morning I was meeting a lender for coffee at starbucks so I could learn about mortgages and loans etc ... I immediately liked the guy, he has a fun persoanlity and is very open minded.  It did not occur to me until today, his name happens to be CHANCE.  *** WHAT !!!! *** I know RIGHT!

And bring that forward to the lady in the office sending me UPSTAIRS to find ANGEL!

And then the whole idea of a buyer just walking right through the door on my very first opportunity day!  The mystical unicorn they say ....

I say ... GOD did that.  And he sent me the signs that it was HIM.  I got the CHANCE, I got the UNICORN, I went upstairs looking for an ANGEL.

MIND BLOWING.

The buyers are working on their pre-approval now with Chance.  They have some properties they would like to see ~ and I am in awe, once again, at the power, the presence, the divine interceding on my behalf.  I have BIG DREAMS ya know! I am going to change lives all around me ~ and it is all GOD's plan.  All of it.  Thank you Lord <3

My Idea of a woman was shady at best!

   

I am nearly 45 years old and I had not one single idea of what a "woman" is.  Until recently.  Unfortunately I believe there are a whole lot of other women out there who really don't know either.  This not knowing is having an impact on our relationships - of all levels.  I didn't know, for a long time.  I truly am sorry for that.  I now walk the path of discovering what kind of woman I really can be.  Let me explain: 

I grew up moving from California, to Oregon, to Washington, to Michigan.  Throughout this time my mother had married and divorced many times.  I did not know my dad, I would come to find him many years later, already broken from life.  His heart though ~ he had the most loving heart, and great intentions.  But, again, life happened.  His story is for another time and place.  As for my mother, she is a beautiful woman but life happened to her too.  It happened as she sought to be loved and accepted for who she is, not who anyone else wanted her to be.  She is headstrong and determined.  

Children truly do learn what they live ~ as adults we live what we learned ... 

As I entered my teen years, my attitude about life and love was very distorted.  I knew I was beautiful, not just pretty, not just beautiful, but absolutely beautiful.  I used this to my advantage many of times as I grew.  I tried to find love my way.  I tried to find happiness my way.  I tried to raise children and gain a husband plus the white picket fence.  That did not happen.  The worst times of my life seems like eons ago, a painful foggy crooked memory of my beautiful children and my painful life not adequately parenting.  I married an abusive man.  I became an abusive wife.  Instead of just leaving, instead of seeking help.  I became everything I never wanted to be.  I lost it all.  Really.  I still never could grasp what went wrong.  I had no real idea that there really was anything wrong at all.  I blamed every single other person in my life for how painful my life had become, I was turning angry and bitter.  

Fast forward 20+ years ... I learned of proverbs 31.  I had to know what it meant, I looked it up and I tell you as sure as the sun rises, something struck me.  It struck me so hard that my whole world was rocked from the inside out.  

I began examining myself.  I began questioning every piece of who I am as a woman.  I remember, I did something years prior with my spirituality.  This time, was associated with my identity.  I was shaken.  I read and absorbed, sought out and clarified.  I was not acting like a very good woman.  I was acting more like a man.  Not as in male, no.  Attributes generally identified with masculine energy.  I am not a man.  I never have been in any of my lives (I do believe in past lifes) and I know that my spirit is a woman too.  So.  now what?  I knew that actions speak much louder than words.  My sister once said to me something like "When being a woman, you don't go around telling everyone you are a woman.  You just show it, be it.  Everyone will just know you are a woman"  that stuck with me, years and years later, it stuck with me.  Thank you wise sister.  

I am not a perfect woman.  I do not think I ever will be.  However, I work hard everyday to BE a Virtuous woman.

Back to Adam and Eve.  It is said that Eve was created as a help-meet for Adam.  I do my best to keep our home fresh and clean, decluttered and good food.  Honestly, I fail often.  I am growing in my walk, in my life.  I, in no way, say that a woman is to cater to her husband.  But if we can bring his heart home - home, the sacred family space, this is most important to our  relationships, our lives are more in balance, in tune with nature.  Not perfect by any means - but Virtuous indeed.

Are you a Virtuous Woman?

* Advisory, post may be offensive to your own beliefs.  First I must advise, I write what I believe.  If it causes offense to others, I do apologize but, I will still write what I believe to be true, to change the ways of the world, to bring peace to us all. 

With that being said .... I believe men and women are not equal in all things.  Since the beginning, men have been hunter gatherers, providers, strong in all they do.  Women have born new life to our planet.  They nuture and love, guide and lead in a way only the woman can.  Some see this as yen/yang, some call this the masculine/feminine, some call it balance.  We have changed it, we have, if you will, thrown nature off balance. 

I went to look for biblical reference to a virtuous woman.  What might that look like? 

(credit: https://www.biblegateway.com/)

The Virtuous Wife

10 Who[c] can find a [d]virtuous wife?
For her worth is far above rubies.
11 The heart of her husband safely trusts her;
So he will have no lack of gain.
12 She does him good and not evil
All the days of her life.
13 She seeks wool and flax,
And willingly works with her hands.
14 She is like the merchant ships,
She brings her food from afar.
15 She also rises while it is yet night,
And provides food for her household,
And a portion for her maidservants.
16 She considers a field and buys it;
From [e]her profits she plants a vineyard.
17 She girds herself with strength,
And strengthens her arms.
18 She perceives that her merchandise is good,
And her lamp does not go out by night.
19 She stretches out her hands to the distaff,
And her hand holds the spindle.
20 She extends her hand to the poor,
Yes, she reaches out her hands to the needy.
21 She is not afraid of snow for her household,
For all her household is clothed with scarlet.
22 She makes tapestry for herself;
Her clothing is fine linen and purple.
23 Her husband is known in the gates,
When he sits among the elders of the land.
24 She makes linen garments and sells them,
And supplies sashes for the merchants.
25 Strength and honor are her clothing;
She shall rejoice in time to come.
26 She opens her mouth with wisdom,
And on her tongue is the law of kindness.
27 She watches over the ways of her household,
And does not eat the bread of idleness.
28 Her children rise up and call her blessed;
Her husband also, and he praises her:
29 “Many daughters have done well,
But you excel them all.”
30 Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing,
But a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised.
31 Give her of the fruit of her hands,
And let her own works praise her in the gates.

What does this mean for women today?  Today my interpretation is family oriented.  A Virtuous woman is one who does not bring chaos to her husband, meaning he can trust her.  She nurtures her family, lives uprightly.  Yeah it is OKAY for a woman to clean their home!  It is OKAY for a woman to run a business!  It is OKAY for a woman to inspire, uplift and minister to those who are needy - in ALL things of life.  Her children and her husband love her and look up to her.  She cares about her appearance.  She doesn't go to market (wal-mart) in pajamas - she is dressed nicely, after all presentation is key! When she speaks, she speaks from wisdom.  She is not speaking just to be heard.  Her words are wise, she watches and maintains her household.

I believe I have briefly covered Proverbs 31 and my interpretation of it, I would like to hear what others have to say, plus I have another post I am writing explaining how I began my desire to BE a Proverbs 31 woman.